Looking Ta Da Staars By Jacqueline Clark

Jacqueline Clark's 'Looking ta da Staars' (2003) is a play about family relationships.

The play deals with family relationships and in particular, looks back at the close relationship of Lara with her father.

DAD : Whit’s du doin oot here?

LARA : Juist haein a quiet meenute tae meesell.

DAD : Is du aa packed?

LARA : Yea.

DAD : So it’s exams dis term.

LARA : We hae exams ivery term bit dis is da big wans.

DAD : Ach weel. (Sit down) I hae nae doot du’ll sail trow dem.

LARA : I’m no sae sure.

DAD : I tink du’s spendin ower muckle time itae da student bar.

LARA : I wish I haed da time tae.

DAD : Does du hae plenty o money?

LARA : I hae a student loan Dad – dere’s nae such thing as a student wi money.

DAD : Weel, is du wantin a scaar tae see dee trow tae end o term? 

LARA : No, dat wisna whit I wis meanin. It’s fine really.

DAD : Is du sure?

LARA : Dad, I’m sure – although I canna believe I’m sayin it.

DAD : Tak a peerie scaar juist fir a couple o nights oot at yon student bar.

LARA : Du shouldna be encouragin me.

DAD : Weel, here du is aa da same. I dunna keen foo you students survive on beans an super noodles.

LARA : Na, we’re on high cuisine itae wir flat. We aet super noodles apo toast an occasionally we branch oot itae da wirld o pizza.

DAD : Do you niver aet right maet like tatties? 

LARA : No really – weel, we ey mak an effort apo Sunday, bit idderwise we juist canna be ersed, tae be honest.

DAD : I like a right hot meal a day. Mince and tatties – noo, dat canna be expensive tae mak. Very versatile is mince, you can make Italian gear wi it too.

LARA : Yea, we hae dat sometimes apon a Sunday.

DAD : Ah weel, dat’s something, I suppose. Super Noodles on toast. Good God, it’s enough tae make me stamach turn.

LARA : Du’s juist ower wint wi Mam makkin dee hot denners fir comin in at night.

DAD : Yis, da auld puggy is beginnin tae shaw trow a bit much.

LARA : Whit’s du mean – beginnin?

DAD : Now now, dunna be cruel tae dee Faider in his aulder years. Spikkin o aulder years, da auld bag is comin alang da night.

LARA : No Auntie Jean!

DAD : Afraid so – I tink I may hae tae invent a reason tae geng oot.

LARA : Why is shu comin ower?

DAD : Weel, wan lives itae eternal hoop at it’s tae announce at shu’s won da lottery an emigratin, but I doot it’ll no be dat’n guid news!

LARA : Dad, dat’s a terrible thing tae say!

DAD : I keen. I should be kind tae her - but by Christ, if shu starts goin on aboot da state o da Kirk ageen, I doot I’ll hae tae faa asleep juist tae droond her oot.

DAD : Did I tell dee at yon Karen phoned?

LARA : Whan?

DAD : Whan du wis oot at da shop.

LARA : Oh right. I’ll gie her a ring later on, shu’ll be at wark eenoo.

DAD : So is dis Karen on da same course as dee?

LARA : No, shu’s doin history.

DAD : I see. An is yon boy still sharin your flat?

LARA : Kevin.

DAD : And..

LARA : And whit?

DAD : Weel, is du, weel - du keens.

LARA : Dad!

DAD : Weel, I’m juist showin an interest.

LARA : He’s gorgeous, if dat’s whit du means, but he dusna feel da same wye aboot me - he’s gay, Dad. (Laugh) Dy face – it’s a picture.

DAD : Whit?

LARA : Da look o horror apo dee face. All gay men ir attractive – dat is juist wan o da sad facts o life.

DAD : I hear dee. I winder whit why I’m streight dan – I’m agein brawly weel, I tink. Dee Midder ey said I wis da best lookin man aboot here.

LARA : Dat’s no difficult.

DAD : Weel weel, juist du ask dee Midder.

LARA : It’s no an exceptional rule – an du’s aaright, Dad. I tink du’s grown auld in a dignified kind o wye.

DAD : Dignified, eh? (Gaff) Dignified, my erse.

LARA : Du said it. (Swing back and fore on the swing) Come on dan, gie me a push.

DAD : I’m too busy growin auld tae push dee.

LARA : Come on Dad – gie me a push. I canna be ersed.

DAD : (Move up behind and push her) You students ir juist lazy, tax dodgers at bum money aff o your poor agein parents…..

LARA : Did naebody tell you at you hae tae pay fir your bairns right up atill you marry dem aff?

DAD : I’m sure it wid a been cheaper tae a selt dee aff tae Harry’s boy wi a dowry.

LARA : An whit dowry wid you a offered?

DAD : Auntie Jean – live-in hoosekeeper. (Lara gaff)

LARA : No way Dad – I wid niver a agreed.

DAD : Na, I wid niver a done dat. Du is enjoyin Uni, isna du – du’s no juist daein it fir me an Mam?

LARA : No – it’s great, Dad. Really.

DAD : An whit does du tink du’ll do efter du graduates?

LARA : Get a job an start payin dis famous taxes.

DAD : Tinks du will du bide sooth?

LARA : I dunna keen. I lik Edinburgh – I’ll come back tae Shetland eventually but I tink I wid lik tae bide awa a while langer. Is du aaright wi dat?

DAD : Of coorse – Lara, du haes tae do wi dee life whit du wants. Juist mak sure at du minds du can come home whaniver du wants.

LARA : I keen dat.

DAD : Enough soppiness, I tink.

LARA : Yes, idderwise I’ll be on da phone tae Montfield da moarn admittin a doitin faider. 

DAD : (Chuckle) Christ – I hoop I niver doit. Shut me if I do.