Gjaan ta da Doctor By Rhoda Bulter

Rhoda Bulter takes a humorous look at a doctor's waiting-room, and a great variety of ailments.

Read By Rhoda Bulter

GJAAN TA DA DOCTOR

Dey wir varnished shairs at stüd aroond da green distempered waa,
Whaar I wid sit wi aa da idder fok,
Waitin ta see da doctor ta pit da mind at aese
Whin he oppened da inner door at six-a-clock.

Dey wir some at sat an snuffed an kreks’d an some at hed da host,
Or faan an misheeved demsel juist black an blue;
Dey wir bluid-shot een an bellin tooms an coarns an rotten teeth,
An eens wi dir lugs taav’d up wi cutton oo.

Some sat an toomed trow picter books at wir lyin dere for years,
Advertisin dis an dat ta mak you smert;
Shürly maist a dem be dat time wir been read fae brod ta brod,
An hed bits at could be rattled aff be hert.

Da men wid aye git restless an keep fidgin ower da saet,
An skitin up ta see da time apu da clock;
Dan een or twa wid reks demsel an hae a look ootside,
Ta git a braeth a air an hae a smock.

Da weemen cleaned dir glesses an hockit trow dir bags,
Or sat sizin up foo idder fok wir cled;
While dey wir aye da wan at sat an rudit aff da history
O every ache and pain shü’d ever hed.

Fae sinnans draan an muscles poo’d an brocken shackle banes,
Dandruff, bool-cramp an palpitation,
Brunt rift an da gulsa an fentin fits an cruels,
Ta gurry een an chronic constipation.

Dey shürly wirna muckle at wis left for her ta git,
Fae ackwird labour ta da watter-traa;
Stane-loopins, rashes, wirsimy lumps, swaaled glands an ingrowin nails;
At some time trow her life shü’d hed dem aa.

We wid yarn aboot da wadder an da fyshin an da paets,
An da hosiery prices gjaan up an doon,
We wid creeticise da Government, an aa da unken wyes
An cam aboot wi bidin idda toon.

Dan da doctor he wid shut his head aroond da surgery door,
An I wid be blyde ta geng, bit aa da sam,
Dey wir times at I enjoyed me-sel dat muckle wi da fok
At I wis nearly clean forgotten why I cam.

Bit dey say at dir an aafil lok a shenges come aboot,
An whin you geng ta see da doctor noo-a-days,
Dir a pritty carpet ower da flür an padded ledder saets,
An aa da time a peerie wireless plays.

Afore dis dan da doctor aye hed picters hingin up
O Shetland voes an maas an foreign flooers,
An it fairly took your mind aff o da things at buddered you,
An you felt at you could look at dem for ooers.

Bit noo dir tane an klined da waa wi posters an wi signs
At’s fit ta gluff da wits atto da fok,
Wi waarnins aboot dis an dat an whaat you soodna aet,
An aa at lies in store for dem at smock.

Dir twa faerce een at glower at you oot ower a surgeon’s mask,
An a muckle syringe ta gie you an injection,
Lang-nebbit wirds for medeecin an peels at you sood tak
Ta mak you strowng and keep you fae infection.

An dey say da saets, tho fine an saft, ir set dat far apairt,
At it’s aafil hard ta spaek ta fok you keen,
An you wid need a peerie looder-horn ta cry across da room
If you guid ta ax a body foo dey’d been.

Nae doot it aa looks aafil posh wi dir furntir an dir mats,
Bit wi yun haethenous posters stickin ower da waa,
If da fok wir hae’n ta sit an look at yun for very lang
Dey wid feel ill tho dey wirna ill ava.