Clearin Oot Da Haandbag By Rhoda Bulter

Clearin Oot Da Haandbag - Rhoda Bulter. Pure entertainment!

Read By Rhoda Bulter

Clearin Oot Da Haandbag Da idder day I cam hame wi da airrents fae da street,
Wappit da lot apö da table, dan sat doon ta aese me feet. 
I lookit ower at da kettle, dan rase an switched im on
For somethin ta revive me, for I wis nearly don.

I made a scar a coffee (yun kind atto da jar), 
Dan pat awa da messages an tidied up a scar,
Dan as I liftit up me haandbag ta lay im up ootby,
Me airm could hardly jee im wi whaat he hed ta wigh.

I tried ta mind da hidmist time at I wis cleared im oot,
Bit hit wis datn lang fae syne at I wis left in doot;
Sae I turned aboot da peerie sneck an oppened im dere an dan,
Cummled im oot apö da table, an dis is what I fan:

Dey wir forty-tree brunt matches an eleeven kirby grips,
Therteen muckle elastic baands an fower paper clips,
Tree woarn tubes a lipstick an pooder for me face,
An da brucks o a rowel a Sellotape tied up wi an aald böt lace.

Twa peerie empty craem jars an tweezers at wir bent,
A boanie peerie bottle at eence wis filt wi scent,
A pritty ting o picter at da peerie boy wis made,
An tree full boxes a matches at I niver kent I hed.

Dey wir juist a shaef a paper wi notts at I'd made eence,
A peerie bit a redder an eighteen safety preens,
Tree yairds o elastic, peerie sheers at clippit swint,
A bran new packeedge wi twunty fags an a ooey Polo Mint.

A pair a lovely navy glivs decorated wi a tassle,
An a peerie souvenir book fae Edinburgh Castle,
A stamp wi Churchill's face apun im, twa boanie peerie stanes,
A muckle dadd a plasticene an fower biro pens.

A thing for oppenin tins wi an da wirds a me favourite hyme,
Five mottos oota crackers at wis poo'd at Christmastime,
Twa boanie coloured postcairds at I 'd bowt o wir Aald Rock,
An therty-two letters at I wis gotten fae different fok.

A peerie box wi rubbery stuff for stickin things on waas,
An seeven paper hankies row'd up in peerie baas,
A pair a bairn's glesses rims, twa bulbs for cycle lamps,
2p vouchers for margarine an a wadd o Co-op stamps.

Dey wir five paper njaepkins (da kind da jantry use),
Eight big galvanised waashers an forteen roosty screws,
A shade caird for Peacock an Buchan's pent, an a recipe for stew,
A ticket fae a concert an a scar a moorit oo.

Dey wir aspirins an liniment for doctorin spaigied hochs*,
A wharter a clatchy caramels an twartree peerie mochs,
Tree entirely different aer-bells an a brocken string a beads,
A scorie's pen an chewin gum an umpteen aiple seeds.

Nae doot A'm missed oot somethin, bit as I lookit at da sloo
As it lay apö da table wi da fag ess an da oo,
I juist didna hae da hert ta fire it oot, sae dere an dan
I dustit aff o da maist o it an packit it back again.

Note
*Spaigied hochs: spaigie is the kind of pain suffered when under-used muscles have been over-used the previous day!